Most of us, when asked what our goal in life is, probably go the more selfish route by simply answering, “To be happy.” Ideally, for everything we do, our motivation is that it makes us happy, or someone we love happy, and that in turn makes us happy. Whatever we’re doing may not make us happy in the moment, but the finished product does. Or maybe it’s the process itself-being in the flow- that makes us happy, and we’re less happy when it’s over. Or if you’ve really got a grip on life, you’re happy all the dang time!

But what do other people think your goal in life should be? And I don’t mean your mom and supportive best friends who, hopefully, want the best for you, and by that I mean they also want you to do whatever makes you happy (unless it means hurting kittens or plucking butterfly wings). I mean what does society think your goal is? And by society I mean the people who don’t know you and don’t think of you as a person with thoughts and feelings. What do they think your value is? What do they expect from you? Expectations can be anxiety inducing! I’d love to hear your thoughts, but I think they expect you to contribute, to give back in thanks for all you’ve been given, like your free public education. How often and how much are we expected to give back? And what qualifies as a contribution? I find it ironic that the same people who you don’t know and who know nothing about you- your background, your desires, or your capabilities- expect you to do what they want. And some of you out there are probably thinking, ‘Exactly! So who cares what they think?’ But we do all live on and share the planet, so maybe we should try to get along and help each other out? What we give out, we get back, right?

One evening when I was a child, my parents decided to give certificates to me and my siblings. My award was for ‘keeping the family together laughing.‘ Even at that young age, I felt very conflicted by that award. Initially I thought, ‘Yeah, I’m funny. This makes sense.’ But then even as a kid I thought, ‘Is this all I’m good for? Is this how I add value? This is what I’m being recognized for?’ That’s okay for a role within the family, but what about my role in the world? And at what point does our job of being cute and silly and cheering others up change to being what society expects?

So what did you want to be when you grew up? Was it something society would approve of and find value in? I used to want to be an Olympic swimmer. That would’ve been cool, but even that doesn’t seem like much of a contribution to the greater good, other than to entertain and awe the masses. Then I wanted to be a chiropractor. Now that is a position of value. If you don’t agree, you’ve probably never needed or been to one. Well, things changed in college and, in turn, so did my major. I graduated with proof that I should be allowed to teach our youth. Teaching is definitely a valuable position (although most teachers are not rewarded as such), and they certainly give back to society by nurturing our children in a way so that they, too, hopefully grow to want to give back and do some good. But what happens if you work in a position that society deems important, but you’re not happy filling? Are you really putting in your best work if you’re not happy? Should you just keep on working in that field because you know it’s what others expect of you? Or do you quit with the hope that you will find a job that will make you happy and feel more purposeful? Or do you stop and think that maybe it’s time for a change in mindset.

Our jobs shouldn’t be what make or break our happiness. I think, in this country especially, we allow ourselves to be consumed by our jobs, our work, our careers. We start to feel unhappy because we’re not making time for anything else. And then the resentment grows and we blame our jobs. But it’s not our jobs (well, sometimes it might be), it’s our lack of time management skills with an emphasis on prioritizing what does make us happy. If we spent more time outside of work doing what we like, then maybe we would continue to like and be successful in our jobs. We need some balance, right?

I think the stay-at-home order that most of us have been subject to has been a real eye-opener for us. Some of us are handling it really well, and some of us are devastated. Now of course I realize some of us are in a position to handle it better than others because we still have a source of income and a roof over our heads, food in the fridge, and although we may be affected, we are not infected. But of the people who can stay at home, who among them is actually well? Why are some people perfectly content dwelling in their homes, while others are feeling imprisoned? I’m sure the possibilities are endless, but let’s get back to this notion of happiness.

If we’re not happy being with ourselves, how can we really be happy with others? Although it may be a dark and scary trip, we should take this time of isolation to really get to know ourselves. What are our true desires? What are we craving right now that we can’t find in our own hearts and minds and homes? I’m a list person, and this is a great list to make and stick on the wall to remind us when we can get back to ‘normal’ that we weren’t satisfied with our normal, and that we should create a new normal for the sake of our happiness and in the interest of the greater good. Because what if all we really need to give back is happiness. And what if keeping us all together laughing really is what it’s all about?

Mankind are always happy for having happiness. So if you make them happy now, you make them happy twenty years from now by the memory of it. ” ~Sydney Smith

What makes you happy, and how are you giving back happiness?