The Wide World of Sports

Sports have affected so many of my life decisions. There are the standard choices, like how much time and money I spent either playing or spectating. There was the unconventional decision to enroll in a university because it had a great football team. My career choice was based on my love of sports, my parenting style draws on lessons learned in sports, and how I maneuver through this world is based around my belief in the concept of sports for social change. And all of this started in my own backyard.

There was always a basketball to shoot, a soccer ball to kick back and forth, or a baseball to catch out in our yard. We tore around town on our 10 speeds. The neighborhood kids would gather for a game of kickball that would last until the dinner bell rang or the streetlights came on. My siblings and I would race each other in any and every thing. Playing with a competitive component was what we did.

Dad coached my town basketball team and mom drove me to the swim center for my meets. Together they cheered from the town park bleachers at my tee ball games. In 5th grade I joined the town’s travel soccer team, which developed into year-round involvement on school, indoor, and district teams for the next 7 years. Simultaneously, I played field hockey in middle school, and tennis, swimming, and basketball in high school. I was never not playing sports. I was good, but I wasn’t great. So when college came, there was a big hole in my life. There were no more year-round teams to be a part of. No more psyche parties. No more uniforms. No more motivation. It was depressing, to say the least. I dabbled in intramurals, and I had to take my college PE credits, but it just wasn’t the same. The team spirit and camaraderie was gone.

So I did what I thought was the next best thing and became a spectator. Fans become their own team, in a way. We cheer together, we grieve together, and we can always agree on something. At Penn State there was always some game or match to attend. When I moved to Baltimore, I had a whole city of fans to high five. And now, I’m a Carolina Caniac. However, as thrilling as watching and gambling on sports can be, it just doesn’t match the experience of playing.

In a sociology course in college, a representative from a local non-profit asked our professor if he could take five minutes of our time to seek out summer camp counselors. Having been a camp kid myself, my interest was piqued. I applied for the job and was hired to work with at-risk youth at a camp outside of Philadelphia. It was there that I decided to change my career path. As a junior I switched my major and went on to graduate with credentials to teach Health and Physical Education to K-12 students. Now, I get to spectate and play, and I get to witness how sports create life-altering changes in the lives of our youth. They are all things that changed my life, but I didn’t know it at the time. Now, watching the kids learn and grow, I realize how impactful sports can actually be.

Mom says she got us into sports because it kept us out of trouble. That’s a very simple explanation of why sports promote positive social change. Yes, sports require a major commitment of time, thereby limiting the amount of time the participant can get involved in other “less admirable” activities, but it’s what they learn in sports that I think is what supports their positive life choices.

I played sports because they were fun. I also knew I wouldn’t be allowed to play sports if I didn’t do well in school. So, in order to play sports, I had to learn time management and how to apply myself, in turn making me a better student. From losses I learned problem-solving, conflict resolution and anger management techniques, all while developing resiliency. From wins and losses I learned about rules and fairness and luck. As a teammate I practiced effective communication styles, diplomacy, and solidarity. I learned to identify my strengths and weaknesses. I learned how to prioritize. I understood that I had to be my personal best every time because my team was counting on me, and that taught me about selflessness, maturity, and motivation. And now, even though I’m no longer playing sports on a daily basis, I own those skills and qualities, and I am able to apply them in other arenas. And they do keep me out of trouble…most of the time.

I coached my daughter’s U10 town league volleyball team earlier this summer. None of the girls had ever played volleyball. Few of them had ever played a sport. And even fewer had ever been on a team. They had a lot to learn in a very short amount of time. I kept it simple. I kept it positive. I kept it light. With each game I witnessed progress, and I was sure to tell each of them what they did that was good. And I was also sure to tell each of them how to get better. They worked on it. And they got better. And in true Cinderella fashion, we beat the best team in our last match of the season. I was the only one who wasn’t shocked. Each of the girls knew that they were getting better as individuals, but I saw the bigger picture developing around them. Afterwards I talked about the whole experience with my friends and said, “They made friends and they had fun, but what was more important was… they won.” And that was me being funny, but I was also being completely serious. Their win was important, because that win proved to the those girls what consistently trying to be their personal best, and doing so together as a team, can produce. And that feels great. And those girls will never forget how great it felt, and they will know they can feel that way again, and they will know how to make it happen for themselves and each other.

Sports do have a way of digging in, planting a seed, and growing us into people who have what it takes to reach far out into this wide, wide world and make it better.

Totally AWE-full!

I like living a life in awe. I seek out things that will make me stop in my tracks and say, “Whoa! That’s amazing! How wonderful!” Living with my daughter gives me a reason to be in awe; she amazes me daily. And living with her and working with children enables me to live vicariously through their awe.

This past Independence Day, my daughter and I went to watch the town’s fireworks display. There were children sitting two spots over who, you’d guess, had never seen fireworks before. Had I closed my eyes, I’d’ve known everything that was going on, thanks to their commentating. “Wow! Did you see that?! Gold balls! Look at that! Whoa! That’s purple! *Gasp* A heart! Wow!” I got a bigger kick out of listening to their exclaims than seeing the fireworks themselves!

The words awesome and awful create another English language conundrum for me. If something, someplace, or someone is truly awe inspiring, couldn’t you say it’s awful? And if it’s cool, but not the best, then you’d say awesome? And how can the one word, awe, mean to produce feelings of fear and pleasure? I’m guessing something got lost in translation on its way from Greece to the Americas.

Maybe my understanding of things will catch on. In that case, I hope you all live Awe-full lives!

Rights (and Lefts) of Passage

When I was middle school age, my mom and I decided to pierce our own ears in the downstairs bathroom with sewing needles. This little anecdote was challenged at a party in my basement, so of course I had to prove I wasn’t lying, and I decided the best way to do so was to pierce a male classmate’s ear in the same way. That was crazy.

My daughter got a second hole in her ear pierced the other day and, based on my experiences, I think it’s kind of a big deal. (FYI It was done in a store without household tools.) Well, as my brain works, I started thinking about other ‘kind of big deals’ that she might, and maybe should, experience. Initially I thought of these experiences as rites of passage… until I looked up what those actually are. Getting your ear pierced is not a rite of passage in our culture, but it can be a right of passage. By that I mean, we experience a lot of things, and it’s those experiences that give us all the feels and the wherewithal to continue taking life as it comes. Some of them help us to reinvent ourselves and become more unique. Some of them humble us and help us to become more like everyone else, which then enables us to empathize and support the global community in a positive way. If there’s one thing I’ll remember from this past year, it’s that we’re all in this together. Some of these “rights of passage” feel good, and some are more like “lefts of passage” that we’d probably skip if given the choice. Some are things we choose to do, some happen by mistake. Some are gifts and some are losses delivered by other people. Some things happen because we just don’t know any better…yet. Some things just happen because life is good. And some things happen because life’s a bitch. But all of them really do help us to navigate this thing called life.

In middle school a classmate sitting behind me on the bleachers during an assembly snapped my bra. All his buddies snickered. All my girlfriends rolled their eyes. Initially I was like, “Dude. Not cool,” but I’ll be damned if I didn’t smile at him in the hallway later that day.

One summer we were vacationing in Clearwater, FL. My parents treated us with ice cream cones. As soon as I stepped off the boardwalk into the sand, a seagull flew right past my face and knocked my scoop off the cone and onto the beach. I stood there wondering why the ice cream didn’t come with a warning.

My high school sweetheart bought me a rose for our one-week anniversary. I saved it in a box for years.

In college I had to roll pennies in order to buy my next meal.

I learned to drive a manual transmission in the church parking lot when I was in middle school.

My friends and I scared the shit out of ourselves playing Bloody Mary and Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board, and with a Ouija board at our sleepovers.

I shaved and frosted my own hair on a dare.

I tore up my legs learning to shave with those darn Bic razors.

I got thrown in the locker room showers in my full soccer uniform, cleats and all.

I could probably go on forever with all the crazy, random things that have happened in my life, but the point of each that I’d be trying to convey is that they happened, which means I happened. And I’m still happening. Rights or lefts, highs or lows, I’m grateful for all of them. They’ve made me a little more cynical, yet even more hopeful. I’m smarter and more empathetic. I’ve had enough experiences to know what I like and don’t like, and I can be pickier about what I want to do with one of my most valuable and fleeting gifts: time.

Oftentimes, when thinking about the angle of approach on my posts, I poll my friends and family about the topic at hand. I posed the question “What are some things, good or bad, that you think all children/people should experience, because ‘that’s life?’ I received more lefts than rights (although some are pretty similar), and I wonder why that is? Do we think more negative things need to happen in order for us to learn and become better people, people with stronger character? Or is it just that we will feel better if everyone else experiences some crappy luck? My dear friend pointed out that we can’t fully experience joy without pain, so maybe it’s okay if there’s more lefts than rights, because a few rights will still outweigh the lefts. Of course her response prompted me to immediately play Rob Base’s and D.J. E-Z Rock’s “Joy and Pain.” But I digress… So here are the messages I was sent back, and I hope you comment with your own:

The rights… 1) Winning 2) Receiving applause at the end of a performance 3) Love 4) Love at first sight 5) A first date 6) A first kiss 7) Romance 8) Someone writes you a song or poem 9) Someone buys you flowers 10) Setting a goal… and working towards achieving it 11) Being comforted 12) Being found 13) Cold pizza for breakfast 14) Being validated

The lefts… 1) Lack of provisions 2) Disappointment 3) Heartbreak 4) Loss of a love 5) Getting dumped 6) Criticism 7) Losing 8) Argument with a friend 9) Failure 10) Learning from mistakes 11) Stepping in dog shit and/or chewing gum 12) Falling on your face 13) Losing something irreplaceable, or having something stolen 14) Getting picked last 15) Getting lost 16) Having to make a choice between two things you really want 17) Something meaningful of yours gets broken 18) Being denied/being told no 19) Being scared 20) Being lonely 21) Rejection

Somewhere in between… 1) Peer pressure 2) Waiting tables 3) Slumber parties 4) Summer camp 5) DisneyWorld

So what do you think everyone needs to experience in their lives, and to what end?