Altruism

Turn On Your Listening Ears

Jeanna G1 Comment

I did a lot of listening today. Which, if you know me, is no small feat.

I didn’t know that my day would involve so much listening. In fact, I didn’t think I’d have much human contact at all, based on my assigned tasks for the day. But I encountered 9 different humans, in 9 different places, and without prompt, they began telling me stories. And none of the plots were light; they all posed a question or concern to consider, even though some weren’t expressed out loud.

By the end of the day, I felt like Lucy van Pelt sitting at her psychiatric booth listening to Charlie Brown and the gang. Her advice wasn’t usually good, but her peers sat and talked to her anyway, I’m guessing because she was simply there.

My friends will agree, I’m not a good listener, but yesterday my antenna must have been receiving a clear signal from my kindergarten teacher. The message: Turn on your listening ears. So I did. And it felt good to be present and to be trusted. And I hope they felt good to be heard. Maybe Fulghum is right, and all we really do need to know was taught in Kindergarten!

The 6th Love Language

Jeanna GLeave a comment

When a three-year relationship came to an end, I found myself reading The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I realized that what I needed most at the time were Acts of Service and Words of Affirmation. I know the relationship would have ended anyway, but at least I know what to be aware of the next time around.

My friends and I joke that food and wine should be a love language. Maybe they are and they just fall under the umbrella of Receiving Gifts. But that notion got me wondering if there really are more than five love languages.

When I was in elementary school, our family participated in an Angel Tree program through our church. Essentially, we adopted a family for Christmas, purchased and wrapped the gifts on their wish list, and then delivered them to the mom just before Christmas. Yes, the family received gifts, but it was in the giving that I also received. I don’t think that was necessarily a tipping point, but I do believe that it was one of many experiences that lead me to a life of service.

I’ve spent the past 20 years of my career serving others. It can be emotionally and physically draining, but I keep doing it because the spiritual rewards refill my cup. This gets me to thinking that I experience love by giving.

A fellow member of my church came to my house a few years back to help install a light over my sink. When he was done, he thanked me for allowing him to serve. Through the act of giving, he was speaking his love language.

I understand the concept of loving someone the way they want to be loved, not the way you think they need to be loved. And I also understand these are fluid; our needs change over time. However, in my discussions with friends, it seems as though these five languages are more often interpreted in an egocentric manner; how others can love us better, not how we can love others. Words of Appreciation mean a lot to me, but I’m going to continue to give, regardless of whether or not I receive them. Giving makes me happy, so to love me, let me give. I want to help. I want to support and cheer you on. I want to do the things that make your life easier, better, and more joyful.

The love of giving. May we all become fluent in this language.

Pea Pancakes

Jeanna G4 Comments

My Uncle passed on a week ago. As sad as death can be, I prefer to find joy in what a life has brought to the world. My Uncle lived a long 91 years, and accomplished more than most could hope to do. But in keeping with my theme, I’ll tell you about my favorite memories of him from childhood.

Uncle Dick played a pivotal role in finding my dad a job working for the State of Connecticut, and finding our first home in Granby, where I grew up. He and his family lived not too far from there, so we were able to visit them often. He had two young daughters that were close to my age. We would have sleepovers and, in the mornings, Uncle Dick would make us pancakes. Except these weren’t ordinary pancakes, these were pea pancakes. He would hide a single pea in a few in the stack, and we would have to eat our way through the stack to find them. Who knew a child could get so excited about a pea?!

One Summer we went over to play, and he set up a slip and slide for us. But again, this wasn’t an ordinary slip and slide, this was the world’s largest slip and slide. He used giant tarps and covered the backyard with them. We slipped and slid to our heart’s content.

One Spring we went for an Easter egg hunt in the backyard. But again, this wasn’t an ordinary hunt. There were eggs stuffed with candy, but there were also giant stuffed bunnies to find. I brought home a bunny bigger than myself that day. I never knew such a thing could exist.

My Uncle also like to play a variety of stringed instruments, and he would always grace us with a song or two on our visits. “The Unicorn” was a must. One day my mom said we were going to watch her brother play. And guess what? It was no ordinary jam session. We ended up in the streets of downtown Hartford watching my Uncle and his band, The Connecticut River Ramblers, play a show on stage. I’m grateful to him for the introduction to, and my appreciation of, Bluegrass music and live shows.

How wonderful to be a person who so easily makes life extraordinary for others.

Peace be with you, Uncle Dick. Time to go see those silly unicorns!