Change

Wonder Years

Jeanna G4 Comments

My daughter’s 5th grade year just came to an end, but right before they ushered the students out the door, the teachers delivered the Human Growth and Development Unit. Remember that awkward time when the boys and girls enter separate classrooms to learn about puberty and all the associated topics? And everyone is uncomfortable and embarrassed when discussing what is about to happen to them? My daughter ensured that I had to live it twice by texting me audio clips of the teacher’s messages, and always followed them up with a frowny face emoji. I might as well have named her Peter, because she does not want to grow up. But I know she wonders. She asks me questions and tells me the crazy stuff she overhears on the bus, seeking the truth.

Thinking back on my wonder years, I thought everything was strange and exciting. I felt the angst of coming of age. I felt curious and confused. I struggled when trying to piece everything together and make sense of it all. And I was always wondering about what the future held.

At that age I wanted to be a part of everything, and be the best at anything. I compared myself to everyone. I had unsupported goals and extravagant dreams. Everything was a big deal, but it also wasn’t. I knew I was liked, but I also wasn’t so sure why. Back then I wondered what everyone thought of me. Now I just want to figure out what I think of myself.

Recently, I was chatting with a friend about plans for the summer, and that my daughter would be away at camp for most of her break. My friend said, “Do something you’ve been wanting to do.” I joked and replied, “I’d really like to take a nap!” But then I started wondering, what do I want to with myself? I wonder, if I weren’t a mom, and I didn’t have to work for a living, what would I do? Who would I be? I am having a self-imposed identity crisis!

Now that I think about it, I’m back in my wonder years. And until I figure it all out, I guess I’ll just keep on wondering. I mean, not all who wonder are lost, right?!

Psyche Parties

Jeanna G1 Comment

In high school, the night before a rival game, my team would meet at the local pizzeria, or a teammate’s house, and eat a bunch of Italian carbs and hang out, relaxing, being goofy and, oddly enough, not thinking about the big game. 

As an adult, the night before a big event, presentation, review, speech, or some other important meeting, I sit home with my spiraling, anxious, worst-case scenario thoughts. The only thing that’s the same is the intake of a massive amount of carbs. 

What changed? Where’s the confidence?  The congregation of teammates, the support? The laissez faire attitude? Ça va bien aller, non? 

Back then, we always knew we were going to go out and do our best, and even though we wanted to win, we weren’t worried about the outcome until it happened. Que sera, sera!

I think we need psyche parties for adults!

Life Lessons Courtesy of a Koosh Ball

Jeanna GLeave a comment

When I was in elementary school, I used to ride my bike down to the town pond to swim in the summers. One day, my friend Michelle and I were splashing around and throwing a pink and purple Koosh Ball back and forth. One throw didn’t get caught and the Koosh sank to the murky pond floor. We searched and searched, and eventually gave up hope.

Fast-forward to high school, and I’m in my lifeguard training course when the instructor tells us we get a special opportunity to learn to scuba dive. Where? The town pond. Can you guess what’s coming? That’s right! In the 5 minutes I was diving, I found my old pink and purple (and now paler and slightly green) Koosh.

I compare this story to my life. When I was little, I was playful and vibrant. But then I got lost. And then I was given an opportunity, a second chance, and I found myself again (just a slightly faded version).

There’s a lesson in this somewhere. The colorful, fun, youthful version of you is still inside of you somewhere. Don’t give up hope. You just may need to take a deep dive to allow yourself to resurface