When a three-year relationship came to an end, I found myself reading The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I realized that what I needed most at the time were Acts of Service and Words of Affirmation. I know the relationship would have ended anyway, but at least I know what to be aware of the next time around.

My friends and I joke that food and wine should be a love language. Maybe they are and they just fall under the umbrella of Receiving Gifts. But that notion got me wondering if there really are more than five love languages.

When I was in elementary school, our family participated in an Angel Tree program through our church. Essentially, we adopted a family for Christmas, purchased and wrapped the gifts on their wish list, and then delivered them to the mom just before Christmas. Yes, the family received gifts, but it was in the giving that I also received. I don’t think that was necessarily a tipping point, but I do believe that it was one of many experiences that lead me to a life of service.

I’ve spent the past 20 years of my career serving others. It can be emotionally and physically draining, but I keep doing it because the spiritual rewards refill my cup. This gets me to thinking that I experience love by giving.

A fellow member of my church came to my house a few years back to help install a light over my sink. When he was done, he thanked me for allowing him to serve. Through the act of giving, he was speaking his love language.

I understand the concept of loving someone the way they want to be loved, not the way you think they need to be loved. And I also understand these are fluid; our needs change over time. However, in my discussions with friends, it seems as though these five languages are more often interpreted in an egocentric manner; how others can love us better, not how we can love others. Words of Appreciation mean a lot to me, but I’m going to continue to give, regardless of whether or not I receive them. Giving makes me happy, so to love me, let me give. I want to help. I want to support and cheer you on. I want to do the things that make your life easier, better, and more joyful.

The love of giving. May we all become fluent in this language.