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Pound of Dirt

Jeanna GLeave a comment

Grandma says to eat a pound of dirt a year to be healthy. I ate my pound today, so I should be good until next November, right? I was out doing more yardwork than I had done all year. I blew leaves, raked, mowed. My dog likes to play fetch, so there are now dirt paths she takes to chase down her ball in my yard. When I was blowing leaves, I also blew a lot of dirt. There were clouds of dust and dirt swirling around me. By the time I was done, I literally had dirt coming out my nose. I went to the sink for some water, but decided to rinse out my mouth first when I felt grit on my teeth. When I wiped the drops of water from around my mouth, I could feel the dirt slide across my cheek. It was time for a shower. When I took off my socks, I thought I had gotten a tan, but then I realized it was a dirt line. I stared at the streams of dirt flowing down the center of the tub and felt pride. I hadn’t been that dirty in awhile.

I used to be dirty all the time when I was a kid. We’d roll down hills, jump in puddles, climb trees, stomp through creeks. In soccer, we knew we didn’t play hard enough if our socks weren’t covered in mud and grass stains by the final whistle. Kids don’t seem to be getting that dirty anymore.

My tween daughter is all about the beauty products these days. What’s trending? I need it. Well, honey, guess what? I just used this dirt and sweat exfoliant, and it works great! And it’s free! Add a little fresh air and sunshine, and your face will glow like mine!

Come on kids! Stop looking at sunset photos and playing games on your tech devices. Get outside. Find your own fun. Appreciate nature in 3-D. Eat some dirt. It’s good for you!

Juvenescence 101

Jeanna GLeave a comment

If Juvenescence were a college major, what would a graduate do with their degree? Enjoy being!

That’s not a joke! Juvenescence is a way of thinking and a way of living. Make yourself young again. Live a happier life by acting like a child. Here’s my syllabus for you:

Unit 1: Go Outside

When I was young, I was outside as often as possible. Go on nature walks, swim in a lake, ride your bike around town, have a picnic. Camp in your backyard and make s’mores one night. Put up a basketball hoop in your driveway and play a game of HORSE. Build tree or snow forts. Have a water gun fight. Jump on a trampoline. Pump your legs on a swing set. Just don’t come home ‘til the street lights flicker on!

Unit 2: Play Sports

I played sports year-round. As I approach middle age, I know I’m not going to be playing contact sports anymore, but I can still kick the ball around the yard. I can still play catch with my daughter. Tennis, golf, bowling, badminton and other lifetime sports are manageable. I have yet to get into the pickleball craze. Yard games (aka party games) like corn hole, bocce ball, axe throwing, frisbee, and polo are all fun and easy to set up! Do something that requires movement and lighthearted competition.

Unit 3: Toys

Buy the toys you always wanted, but never received. Buy the toys that you had and loved, but mysteriously disappeared that summer you were at sleepaway camp. I know playing pretend is hard as an adult, but you can still dress up your dolls with each new season, or stage a scene with your action figures or legos. Dedicate a corner of your office or den to be a play, or display, area.

Unit 4: Game Night

Schedule game night twice a month. Play board games or go to a local arcade. I love some Skee Ball and Whack-A-Mole! There’s probably a nearby bar with a pool table or darts, or foosball, if you’re lucky!

Unit 5: Learn Something New

Childhood is filled with learning, but it’s often stuff you don’t care to learn about. And I disagree with whoever said we know all we need to know in kindergarten. Take an art class. Learn a new sport. Maybe it’s finally time to take that karate class or get your motorcycle permit. Learn some magic tricks for your next gathering. Haven’t you always wanted to play the guitar? Now’s the time!

Unit 6: Get a Hobby

This could coincide with the previous unit by learning something new, but you could also reignite an old passion. Build model cars or get that train set up and running. Dust off those roller skates. Take up wood burning, leather working, scrapbooking, or pickling. Learn calligraphy, quilting, crocheting, or pottery. Start an aquarium or garden. Buy some binoculars and a bird watching book. If your hobby has a club, you could make new friends, too!

Unit 7: Arts & Crafts

Make your own soap or candles. Finger paint! Create snow globes or ornaments, or sun and dream catchers. Get some coloring books and crayons! Some thoughtful quiet time is good for the soul.

Unit 8: Read Children’s Books

Spend some time in the children’s corner of your local library flipping through picture books or classics. Don’t forget to check out the joke books or The Guinness Book of World Records!

Unit 9: Throw Yourself a Birthday Party

The sky’s the limit! Get your favorite cake. Decorate! Play Pin the Tail on the Donkey, Bingo, Musical Chairs, and Limbo. Get a slip and slide. Have a theme and tell guests to dress up. Make teams for the old egg on a spoon, hop-a-long ball, and potato sack races. You gotta love a water balloon toss. Whack a piñata! Get inflatable Sumo suits and bounce away! It’s your dream party, and you can do what you want! You might want to give fair warning to your guests, and include some ibuprofen in those party favor bags.

Unit 10: Watch Cartoons

What else is Saturday morning for?!

Unit 11: Video Games

Save the princess in Super Mario Bros. Level up in Tetris. They can be on your tv or a handheld console, but games on your phone don’t count.

Unit 12: Field Trips

Reintroduce yourself to your state’s museums, planetariums, historic sites, aquariums, zoos, and parks. Get out of your zip code for the day!

Unit 13: Friendships

This can be a hard one, but try to surround yourself with friends who are willing to act like children, too. We can’t always escape adulthood and all the responsibilities that come with it, but I think you have to try, and try often. Time is sneaky, and a lot of it can pass by without you even noticing. Be intentional about scheduling your play dates. A lot of the above activities can be done alone, but a lot of them are way more fun when done with good company.

Unit 14: Not What the Doctor Ordered

Eat pizza for breakfast. Make ice cream sundaes with all the toppings. Add extra butter to that movie popcorn. Make a candy salad to munch on during game night. Bake cupcakes on a random Wednesday night. Have an apple, but coat it in caramel first. Indulge!

Final Exam: Multiple Choice

1. It’s Friday night. Your plans are to…

A. Go to bed at a reasonable hour

B. Binge watch tv alone

C. Schedule a play date with friends

2. It’s Saturday morning. Your plans are to…

A. Watch cartoons

B. Do chores

C. Eat avocado toast and watch the news

3. It’s Saturday afternoon. You are…

A. Napping

B. Headed out for bowling and pizza

C. Getting ahead on a project for work

4. It’s Sunday. You are on your way to the…

A. Grocery store to meal plan

B. Yard to rake and mow

C. Local park for frisbee and a picnic

Answers:

You passed your Juvenescence test if you answered C, A, B, C.

A note from your professor:

I’d like to think that everyone could test out of Juvenescence 101. That means they all had a childhood, a good childhood, and they’re intentional about living youthful lives on a regular basis. However, I know that not all children have good childhoods. Some children are expected to be adults from too early of an age. Maybe they didn’t have parents, or their parents just weren’t good caretakers, for whatever reasons. Or maybe they had financial circumstances that prevented certain freedoms and privileges. Even so, my point is that everyone deserves a juvenescent life, and anyone can live a juvenescent life, even if it doesn’t begin until an adult age.

Now stop reading and overthinking life. Go out and play!

Old Town Home

Jeanna G1 Comment

If my memory serves me correctly, there used to be a Country Time Lemonade commercial that had Benny Goodman‘s “How Am I To Know” playing in the background while a boy rode his bike down a dusty country road in summer. Every time I hear that song, I picture myself as a child, riding my bike around my old town home.

Sun peeks through the curtains, time to get up and go.

Grab my pack and jump on my 10-speed.

Cruise down past the hardware store and the spinning pole of the barber shop to the town center, where my friend is waiting for a match on the lone tennis court.

Lose track of the score and decide we both earned a cone from the local ice cream shop.

Smile at the Maytag Man, who is sitting alone in front of his shop with nothing to do, of course.

Wave goodbye to my friend, and roll over to the park.

Down goes the kickstand while I pick a handful of blackberries along the entrance.

On to the tee ball field where the Blue Jays and the Pirates are in the bottom of the 3rd.

Bleachers are full, so I ride over to the playground.

A few flips over the parallel bars and then I take my chances on the steep metal slide.

Seat scorcher!

Once is enough.

What’s next?

Pedal down to the toy store to see what’s new in stock and add to my wish list for Santa.

Across to the aquarium shop to decide how I’ll spend my allowance.

Only a dollar left in my pocket.

Penny candy it is!

Spin back up to the center, up past the historic homes, tobacco barns, and churches, up past the video and package stores, to the one convenience store.

I count out 10 sticks of Fortune Bubble, 5 Pixy Stix, 5 Bit O’ Honey, 5 root beer barrels, a pack of Pop Rocks and a box of Nerds. I’ve still got a quarter to spare!

Take my bounty over to the pond to share with who’s fishing.

They say they threw them all back, so they had nothing to show. Same as last time!

Time to check on my 4-H calf. We take a stroll through the barn together.

Take the long way home, past the cemetery, library, and print shop.

Friends have a lemonade stand set up on the front walk. There goes my last coin.

Whiz past the market where I see mom pushing her cart to the suburban. One hour ‘til dinner.

Rush over to the neighbor’s to check on our tree forts.

Go karts are out, time for a race!

There’s the dinner bell,

right on time.

Wash up!

Bless the food.

What’d you do today, Li’l Bean?

Oh…not much.